zukerman’s taut thighs

A colleague in the orchestra sent me quite possibly the most bizarre music review that I’ve ever read.  It was written in 1983 for the Nevada newspaper Desert Aria by Lisa Coffey, when Zukerman was married to a previous wife (not Amanda Forsyth).  Bear that in mind when you read the last sentence.

This review was originally discovered by the great cellist Leonard Rose, who wrote to Zukerman’s East coast agent “Lee — Photocopy — show to Shelly. Both laugh!! — and please return! This I’ve got to frame — Leonard.”

It’s quite something!

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ZUCKERMAN [sic] DAZZLES LAS VEGANS
Wednesday, January 18, Pinchas Zuckerman conducted and perjformed [sic] with the Saint Paul Chamber Orchestra in an all Beetthoven [sic] concert at Ham Hall. Those Las Vegans lucky enough to attend were treated to an evening of performance of a caliber shamefully rare in a city of a half million people.

The first half of the program, consisting of the Overture to The Creatures of Prometheus and the Symphony No. 4 in B-flat, Op. 60, was somewhat disappointing in that Zuckerman conducted the orchestra with his back to the audience. While one cannot fault him entirely for assuming the traditional posture of the vast majority of great maestros, it must be said that the choice of his stance in combination with his having also elected to wear the tradtional “tails” all but obscured whatever clarity of physique one might have hoped to savor, even from the best seats.

Even so, true genius shines forth. The broad expense [sic] of his shoulders, the abundant wavy dark hair, the well proportioned legs planted oh-so-firmly on the podium were sufficient food for the culture-starved crowd to feast upon throughout even the longest of movements. Perhaps it might even be said that the program order reflected a certain deftness of planning, for it certainly left the audience at intermission clambering [sic] to return to their seats in anticipation of the climactic second half which promised the chance to observe Mr. Zuckerman from the front for the duration of a while violin concerto. [SIC!]

Whose eyes could have been other than riveted to the spectacle of the grace and power of the bow arm, the fire in his dark eyes, the tension in his taut thighs as he made reday [sic] to launch into some passionate passage with the energy of an athlete.

What followed was pure magic, as Zuckerman proved that the combination of virtuosity, artistry and a great body can make even the Concerto in D for Violin and Orchestra, Op. 61 seem too short. He inspired his audience where a performer of lesser attributes might have left them bored to death. But who among them could for an instant let her eyes stray from the Maestro as he cradled his violin so gently, yet firmly, with the touch of well proportioned hands made strong and supple by years of torturous practice? Whose eyes could have been other than riveted to the spectacle of the grace and power of the bow arm, the fire in his dark eyes, the tension in his taut thighs as he made reday [sic] to launch into some passionate passage with the energy of an athlete. [sic] Who could but succumb to the tenderness of his smile as he lost himself in the ecstacy of each undulating sweet melodic phrase that surged and swelled from the instrument at his command? It is only a wonder that the audience managed to suppress both thunderous applause and shrieks of pleasure until the end. We can only hope that it not be [sic] an eternity before he again graces our stage with the captivating magic of his talents.

Mr. Zuckerman is a native of Israel, Middle East. He has recorded quite a number of musical pieces onto records which are considered quite good by those who listen to them. He is married to a woman of questionalble musical ability and character.

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