Today we lost a beloved colleague, wonderful musician, and cherished friend in Martha Herby. There are many from within the orchestra (and from without) who were closer to her than I, and who knew her longer than I, and who spent more time with her than I did. At times like this, it’s hard not to measure yourself against other friends and relatives of the person who has passed, to see if your grief is as deserving as theirs. I’ve seen some of the ugliest fights over what the deceased “would have wanted”.
In the end, that all doesn’t matter. What matters to me is that someone who greeted me with warmth, wry humor, vitality and humanity on my first day of work 12 years ago (and who was on my audition committee) is now gone from the face of the earth.
Martha and I had a unique relationship in that we each felt that we could give each other shit without excuses or ill will or hurt feelings. We just said what was on our minds and got along well for it, and we both knew exactly where we stood with each other on the topic at hand. For all of her bluster and volume, she was a remarkably sensitive soul. I knew, mostly without consciously knowing it, that this facade covered up a person of great depth, sensitivity, self-doubt, and love. That’s what I’ll miss the most.
And I’ll never again look at a rubber ducky without thinking of her and smiling to myself.
Rest in peace, Martha, I can’t believe you’re gone.